How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
