The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
