Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You're a disaster
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