You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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