he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
