Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
