Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
