shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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