FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize