I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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