you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
