I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The maid of honor just puked.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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