i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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