I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
