I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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