I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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