I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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