what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
