Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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