Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
