I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
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