Only a mothe r could love this liver
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
