On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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