I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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