Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
