Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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