the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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