if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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