my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
