Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
