Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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