Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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