walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is it because I queefed?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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