Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
