its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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