I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
