you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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