too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
