Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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