I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
