I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
