I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
be right there i have to get my cape
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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