I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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