Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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