Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
