you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
