Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
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I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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