My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
