nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I didn't notice because vodka
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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