even my farts smell like vagina
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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