Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
