Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
