don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
this just has baby written all over it
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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