he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
