i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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