I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
