Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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