When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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