My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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