there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
