don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
