what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
