What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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