I am puke
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
time to smoke my breakfast
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
