So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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