the condom got lost in my hair
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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