Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
