My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
