Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
