Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
