No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
