If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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