If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
50% drunk capacity currently
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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