Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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