She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
