Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
