when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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