..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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