I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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