So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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