Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
