In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
