Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Boobs speak an international language.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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