White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
