im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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