I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
